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C IL | Why are you paying him a wage? Is it a condition of your rental agreement that you pay these other costs?
Sounds like there are serious boundary issues if your employee, whom you pay, does not complete the tasks and schedule that you and he have worked out. The person who signs checks has immense power.
It takes a while to fix boundary issues and it usually starts with disbelief from the party who is used to getting their way, followed by a delayed and dragged out fight, but those issues CAN be fixed. I would like to reiterate that you can benefit from therapy even if only you go, because you can learn to change YOUR actions and responses to this behavior which you perceive (and very likely is) bullying behavior.
No one can take your self-respect. You can lose it; you can face hard choices from people whom you should be able to trust who instead abuse that trust, and you can make the wrong choices in response to that abuse, which causes you to lose your self-respect. You can also learn how to reverse that situation. There is a lot you can learn in solo therapy about how your unconscious biases have shaped choices that you never realize you have a chance to change, and learning how to separate your thought processes from the influences of mentally and emotionally unhealthy people is one of them.
I will also add that the heart and soul of negotiation is having an alternative you are willing to accept. So ... figure out your balance sheet and what you are worth if you liquidate and move to town, look around at the job market and what you are worth if you start there, figure out how things will work if dad pulls out his land and any capital and you want to stay on the farm.
Dad might be surprised if he had to rent his land out to a stranger and pay for his own truck, gas, and insurance out of that rent, and had nowhere else to spend his time. Likewise, you might be surprised if you had to compete on the open market for land.
If there is one thing I have learned on this forum it is that many in the older generation devalue the amount of value an ambitious younger generation brings into an operation. Likewise, many in the younger generation don’t realize the immense advantages they can leverage when starting with dad and mom’s going concern, capital, business contacts, etc. Setting a fair economic value for the two is hard. Figuring out how to operate together is hard.
Good luck. You are in my prayers.
Edited by sand85 9/30/2018 16:48
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Farming with dad.
