I don't have cattle.  Never have.  Never will.  I know from watching friends that there really is no off-season or downtime when you have livestock.   I also don't have the complication of older generations looking over my shoulder.  But, if there is family around, at least there is some help too.  (I'm used to working entirely on my own.) So perhaps my observations won't be helpful.

I work a good-sized operation without any help (hired or family) and also do custom application over a large enough area that there really are no rain-out days.  So I'm busy most of the year, but don't have the added complication of livestock.   Most of the cropping season I leave the house before sunrise to go spray somewhere then either spray all day or come home at some point and work in my own fields until nightfall.  I know there are times my wife feels like a single mom.  For busy seasons, I think that is unavoidable.  However, I am the type of guy who would be completely happy to farm all day every day. Therefore, I have had to make some adjustments out of respect for my wife and kids.  When busy-seasons became all the time and not seasonal, I had to make adjustments.  So perhaps you can find something useful in what I have to say.  My wife and I have been married almost 15 years.  Wife was not from a farm background.  I've never known anything different than farming, but I'm running twice the size of operation as I did when we got married.  Kids are now 11, 9, and 6.

First off:  I think all young moms feel the way you do. If not, I don't know how they don't.   You most certainly know this, but it is healthy to reiterate it:  Babies and toddlers are totally draining.  And, the realities of farm life make it harder.   Honestly, going from 2 kids to 3 was the hardest transition for us because 3 have you outnumbered. Everything takes even more energy/time.  But they do grow fast.  While the challenges of family life do not go away, they change and are more practically manageable when all the kids can do things like feed themselves, get dressed, and get in and out of vehicles.  Be encouraged that while it is hard now that it will get easier in many ways in a few years.  Along with this, consider that they are draining for your husband too.   When we had babies, many times going home felt like going to another job.  Not only was there little physical rest at home, but also very little emotional recharge at home too because my best friend and the person who I long to be with (my wife) was totally drained and not herself.   Again, I don't know that there is a solution to this.  Just be encouraged that this season of life does pass.

Secondly:  My life at home and at the farm got better when I learned how to plan to take a little time off.   For my family, we have a 3 part solution.   1) I take Sundays off.   Only the most essential chores get done on Sunday.  And that means the chores around the house too.   The mom/wife needs a day off too -- and that doesn't mean that the husband has to do them either.  People and animals have to eat, but if farming can wait until Monday, so can dishes/laundry/cleaning/honey-do list.   2) Plan ahead for an occasional family vacation.  Visiting relatives or going to see a big city doctor don't count.  We go every-other-winter. That's about the extent of what we can afford cost-wise.  And we pick locations where there are activities that everyone will enjoy.  One day we may go to an amusement park for the kids.  The next we may go to a museum that Dad wants or shopping that Mom wants.   No kid-centric vacations allowed.   3) As soon as the kids were old enough to be left with grandparents or friends, we started planning one weekend each spring before planting season where my wife and I go without the kids just to have time to reconnect.  It doesn't have to be extravagant.  The first time we braved leaving the kids with the grandparents, we got a motel room in the nearest town for 1 night and called it our getaway.  It was a dumpy $50 motel 15 miles from home with a TV that didn't work and no breakfast but it was amazing.  Now we are able to venture farther away with less worry about the kids.   These have absolutely the best investment of time I could ever make.   Family life is better.  And a little off-time makes me more effective and focused at work.   I would encourage you to find a way to help your husband consider that this might help him too.   I found that while I would be content working all the time that I work better when there is a light at the end of the tunnel where I know that I won't have to worry about the farm for a day or two.

Third:  I don't ask for or expect my wife to help on the farm.  Aside from the occasional ride between fields, I don't ask her to help.  She has her hands full with the kids and the house. But she finds ways to show her support anyway.  Don't underestimate the value in a few minutes spent bringing supper, or a snack, or coffee/tea/ice cream/what have you and just saying hi to your husband while he is working. You don't have to "helping" to be supportive.  Whether he says it or not, he is under a lot of stress.  And he is tired.   And he misses you.  Yes, he loves the kids.  But he really misses his wife who is his friend and wants moments to reconnect with her.  Something that has been valuable to us is finding things at home that have to be done and doing them together.  This won't translate to all couples, but we both enjoy cooking.  So every now and then or on Sundays, we cook one of the meals together.  It has to be done anyway.  But the time spent together is priceless.

In closing, I would agree that calving isn't the best time to bring this up.  I know spring planting wouldn't be the time to bring this up to me.  But you do need to lovingly have a talk with your husband.  And it isn't just because YOU need things to change.  It is also because it will be advantageous for HIM to change some things.  Family and farming are not opposed.   Your family can have a beautiful life together and your husband can have success and fulfillment farming.  But it WILL take cooperation in expectations and actions from everyone involved. 

Best wishes to you and your family.