|
Strathcona, mn | A little about our family.... I am 39, my wife is 36, we have 5 children 10 and under. I worked on farms, my wife is not from a farm. We run a grain farm, no longer any livestock. When we were dating I had a small cow heard. Our first year of marriage we had our first daughter, moved 350 miles to start a new farm, and my wife quit her full time career. Fast forward 10 years..... my wife works part time from home now in her chosen career. She also takes care of the farm books, is the main gopher, kid shuttle, etc.... me, well I run the farm, lol. Here is a twist, I’m hurt.... I currently have 2 broken feet. I am about one step from worthless right now. The farm is moving along at a snail pace prepping for spring. We have one employee. He is great but is only one person. I’m trying to hire another one.... if he gets here. The only thing I can say is my wife and I have had the same conversation you and your husband will have. I, like most in Ag, am driven to succeed. Success right now is just having the ability to feed my family and stay above water. It will get easier as the children age. At one time we had 5 ages 0-5. My wife and kids are my best part of my day. The kids are old enough now to come home and “find dad”. One of the best things my wife and I did was make a pact to leave the farm every once in a while. Maybe just for a long weekend but just to escape.
Enough for the rambling.... to my point. As a young couple we went/are going through the same emotional roller coaster. First, is it worth it? You, need to make that decision. From a needs stand point... does the ranch put food on your table, give you a roof over your head, fulfill basic human needs? Emotionally? Do you feel the sense of accomplishment from your daily activities? Have 2.5 kids is a workload in itself, I know... we have been there. I swear there are days when I think I’m going to come home to a homicide scene and my wife sitting in a chair with a smile on her face, lol. My wife has filled her time with activity that gets her human contact. She is involved with coaching, church, pto organization, etc... it makes our family much “busier” than we need to be but it is a basic need for her. She is a “people” person. It took me some time to come to realize that that is ok and good! I like being around people but I don’t need that interaction every day. Are you the kind of person that can write a list of the highlights, circle the top 5 or 10 and change your perspective based on that? My wife and I have done this long enough that she knows I’m out there to make our family living. She also realizes that there isn’t anyone else that is going to fulfill any short comings. There will be sacrifice in turn for the rewards. 10 years into our marriage and she/we are realizing that we don’t live a luxurious lifestyle. Money is and will be tight on one income. I get to as many kids activities that I can, she can chose at Will. She is very involved with our children’s activities and school. My sacrifice for her/our reward of having involvement in their lives. She has chosen to look at her “place” as her job. Sometimes things Get behind on her part.... no different than my planting and harvest times. The biggest reward for us is having a parent available to our kids. I fully expect when the children are older for her to want/need to get a job off the farm. She won’t know what to do with herself every day. Please, don’t be too harsh on your husband. He is working with the idea of bettering you and your family. He doesn’t know another way of doing that. Don’t be afraid to voice your emotions. Hopefully he is willing to listen. Necessity may not allow much of a change but talking helps a lot. You are in the hardest part of your career as a parent and a spouse, he is too.... my email is good, my wife would be more than willing to talk, she is really good at it... lol. Try not to let it get you way down. | |
|
am I cut out for this?
