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C IL | I’ll say this from the son’s perspective - somehow the work still gets done if Son #1 isn’t there to shoulder the burden. It’s really easy to get caught up in a cycle of being dutiful, trying to make it work with what you always had (even if the equipment/asset has fully completed its lifecycle and is due for replacement), and earn a living and a future for your family unit. It takes a lot of maturity to learn to that life is what happens while you are doing those things, and you need to take a step back sometimes, share the load, equip up so you can have a life outside of work all the time, and simply learn that you have a duty to your spouse as well as work. Getting that balance right is tricky tricky for children in family businesses, as you know.
I suggest to schedule some time away, in the future so he and dad can plan around it, and be relentlessly positive about setting that boundary, absolutely unapologetic about the time away, and be back and rested up at the appointed time so there can be no confusion with the older generation about how you followed the plan and schedule. It’s a time investment in marriage and family.
My wife had to crowbar me away from the farm for the first couple years and it took me a while to learn that it was (1) ok to be gone (I don’t feel guilty anymore) (2) good for our marriage and (3) good for me physically and mentally. Can start be as simple as an overnight hotel an hour away with a pool for kids. Or take off and leave the kids with Grandma for a day.
I am ashamed to say I wasn’t terribly gracious about it the first couple years but my wife was persistent and I look forward to it now.
Where is husband’s mom in this? At home on the ranch? How far away are your parents?
Like the one guy said, I would love it if my spouse would come out with me sometimes. I really salute your effort there, I know it is hard with little ones in a crowded cab. Your husband may not tell you what it means to him, but he knows and appreciates it far more than he likely verbalizes it, even if it comes off rude at the time.
To any of the older generation reading this thread - this is someone trying to make the next generation work on your farm and in your community. That is really encouraging, a lot of guys would give a lot to make that happen, so keep that in mind. Usually it is guys with no kids coming home, whose kids live three states away, or guys who say that their town is dying.
You can always tell the younger people how much easier they have it than you did, but now the farms are 3-5x the size, hardly any young neighbors your age like a generation or two back, fancy lights means you can work in a barn or field 24 hours a day instead of quitting when it gets dark, life simply moves faster with less downtime during the day. How many people used to take Sunday off, for the most part, etc etc. | |
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am I cut out for this?
