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Central KS | I woke up one day a few years ago and realized that I was 35 years old and the terms of my life were being dictated to me by my father. He wanted to retire, but didn't think he could afford to. His solution was to quietly practice on the job retirement and let me take up the slack. At first I didn't realize what was going on. The more I did, the less he did, and nothing improved. Since I also work off the farm, it took a while to figure out why I was working harder than ever, but we were getting further behind. Like a lot of posters on this board, I was driven to make our farm successful and hopefully be able to farm full time some day. I cared about the success of Dad's farm more than he did, and he used that to his advantage.
Like I said, I woke up one day and realized what was going on. I had a hard talk with him and told him that I was no longer going to sacrifice my wife and children trying to drag him to success. I was going to take care of my family first, farm my own ground second and help him out if I had any time left over. The lightened load was more emotional than physical. I still work almost as many hours, but I have a peace knowing that I can take off a few hours to do something with the kids without laying a guilt trip on myself for not babysitting Dad. Dad has also responded well. Now he makes his time count instead of just going to the shop and goofing off. If he doesn't want to work, he doesn't have to, but he is responsible for his own accomplishments now.
Due to the nature of farming, I think my situation is quite common. I don't know if your husband is in the same situation with his father, but if he is, maybe he needs to make some changes that will benefit both his business and his family. It scared me to death, but it was worth it many times over. | |
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am I cut out for this?
