milofarmer1 - 2/10/2017 07:31

I think that is probably a good idea. It is better to have answers rather than always wondering?

We adopted our two older kids out of foster care when they were about 2 and 4 years. We have maintained contact with one of their biological grandmothers the whole time. We try to get together about once a year, but not more than that. Their bio-mom has stayed out of the picture for quite a while, but has recently contacted my wife through facebook wanting to maybe have some contact with the kids, like send them some gifts. We are not really sure if that would be good at the moment. And suggested instead maybe she could send some written letters instead.

Our oldest has always had much more interest in knowing about her biological family than the younger one. But that is probably because she was older and may have some memories she is sorting out.

All in all it has not been a problem, and we have always been very open and explaining how we adopted them etc. When we went through the legal process we had the option of keeping it totally secret. Even to the point of having their birth certificates changed to have our names instead. Which to me seemed somewhat excessive.



edit: I wanted to add that I really think the emotional stuff may be much more difficult in years to come when they get to be teens and young adults. Especially when they become more cognizant of the reasons they were in foster care, and I'll just say the very different lifestyles of their biological family compared to ours.

We'll cross that bridge when we get there I suppose.



Thanks for sharing this with me. Being as I was born a few years ago, the only birth certificate I have ever seen has my adopted parents listed. They were honest with me about the whole process from the time I can remember but the more open type adoptions that are available today were not done/thought of, whatever in the 1970's. Like your children, I don't remember feeling particularly concerned until my teens. Since then though, well, more than 20 years later it still weighs on me. It's definitely a bridge that you are able to cross when you come to it. I think we are at the bridge and concerned about the crossing.....