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Anyone else adopted?
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ihmanky
Posted 2/12/2017 06:04 (#5833716 - in reply to #5831197)
Subject: RE: Anyone else adopted?



KY

No firsthand experience, have some friends who have adopted out of the foster system, so far seems to be going well, but all children involved are still grade-school/early middle-school age.  I know with one of the children, they take her to see her biological sister about three times a year just across the river in Indiana, but very brief visits and I don't know of any time they've met up with a biological parent or if they were ever in contact with either of them.  I spent my teenage years as a step-child after my mother passed prior to that, and I know if I could undo ever meeting the stepmother and 2 of 3 of the step-siblings I would sure make it happen.  Her and those two are no longer in the picture (she has passed, the two I don't get along with at all disappeared when any hope of money dried up) so I don't have that anguish to deal with anymore.  For a long time, I thought maybe most of the failure of those relationships was all on me, as I was the youngest, but after I got married, had children, etc, I see that everyone else was so much different from how I and my biological siblings had grown up that it was destined to be a trainwreck.  Towards the last several years, even my Dad became somewhat miserable as more and more of the playing sides came out, but that's a whole other story unrelated to what you're dealing with.


I can offer this from experience though.  If the ONLY reason anyone was to search out their biological parents(s) is for "medical history"... I would be very hesitant.  No, they can't tell you that your Aunt Susie passed away with whatever ailment in 1983 like a biological relative may be able to do, but genetics is a high tech field these days.  Some of you know that our youngest son battles a myriad of health problems, and some of which are complete mysteries to every doctor we've dealth with over the years to this day.  Through DNA testing though, we have identified his genetic/hereditary risk for almost everything under the sun.    They recommended we have the testing as well, and we did, which would show if either of us carried the gene that passed something on to him or if it began with him.  They can also tell you the likelihood of you passing whatever you carry a gene for onto your children is.  Now, A: it can be scary, as if you don't know or have some idea of your family history, you could be in for knowing some things you may not want to know such as high likelihood for certain types of cancer or whatnot and B: On the flip side, you could find out something that helps you prevent something early.  We originally weren't going to have the testing on ourselves, partly because it is still very expensive even with good insurance, my main reason for trying to avoid it was that I know my Wife would blame herself if the results showed that she carried a gene for whatever is the main cause of his lack of growth and some other issues.  I have preached to her since early on that it doesn't matter who it came from, you can't change it and there's no use worrying about it, and we do the best we can to keep plugging away at figuring out what the issues are and how we can do the best we can for him, but she still would worry about it at times.  Turned out, whatever the real issue is, starts with him and came from neither of us, which is both good to know and concerning all at the same time, because even after all this testing, we still don't know an EXACT cause for a lot. 

All that to say, there ARE means of finding out your predisposition for medical occurences other than putting onesself through something they're not sure they really want to go through, but they are expensive ones, especially if you can't get a doctor to say the testing is medically necessary.  As I mentioned above, I am not trying to be discouraging about the process of seeking out anyone's biological relatives, just putting it out there that there ARE options for those who are only seeking out those folks to find out their ancestors' medical history.  I'd like to think that if I had been adopted at a very young age, and had a good life and good relationship with my adoptive parents that I would be well pleased to have them as parents and not even think twice about knowing who my biological parents are/were... but at the same time I am human and at some point I'm sure the curiosity would sneak in from time to time, and if nothing else I'd want to know the history and reasoning behind why I was adopted... and at the same time I wouldn't want to know.. I am 100% sure about this, I know that it has to be different for different people, and noone should judge anyone else for their decision to know or not know.     

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