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| I don't think anyone knows exactly what the "right" thing is and probably never will.
Jill found breast cancer in 99, while she was on chemo I found out I had lymphoma. B cell non-hodgkins if you want to get exact, treatable but not curable and I'm told that eventually the treatments won't work. My first reaction was I thought the sky was falling. We didn't know which one of us might last the longest. Kids were 10 and 13. Typical farm, everything is tied up in land and machinery, cash flow is almost always tight.
I was ready to cancel a trailer we had ordered, start making plans to get out. Didn't really have the opportunity to do that, instead we took one day at a time, still had the kids to take care of, school, ball games, Jill had more chemo and then more reoccurances and more operations and more chemo and more radiation. In the meantime the Dr. told me that mine didn't need treatment at that time and it was a wait and watch situation. We were too busy just getting by to do anything else (no pun intended).
3 years later we looked back and were amazed at just what we had been through. We were lucky, our son who was 13 and our daughter who was 10 when it all started did more things on their own that I would have ever imagined. They both stepped up big time. Luckily Charlie could drive soon after we first found out about Jill and he could take his sister with him or drop her at her ball practice etc.
Three weeks after we lost Jill the Dr. told me my condition had worsened and that I now needed chemo. All I could think about was how hard it must have been on my kids to lose their Mom and then have Dad jump right into chemo. At first you question everything you do, but after a while you get to the point you just go do things and don't think about the immediate future. I'm sure you've been through the same transition.
I had not thought about the timing, but after reading your post and starting to write this I counted back and realized that it's been 6 years since my chemo ended. I've had one small tumor pop up since then that they removed by surgery. We're still making plans to carry on, but we're not trying to slow down or get out. It took a couple years to get past losing Jill and then when I started to think about meeting someone else I would immediately think about who would want to get involvled with a man who had nhl and didn't know how long his future might be. Lucky for me I met a wonderful lady who doesn't let that bother her one bit. Teresa tells me that neither one of us knows how long we're here for and that the best thing you can do is enjoy the time you have and make the most of it. Sometimes I feel like I have taken more than my share of the great women on this earth by having been married to not one but two of them.
I'm sort of like Ed, we're making plans so that if/when something happens to me to make things as easy as possible for my kids and Teresa. We're putting together a file that lists the paperwork and permits that have to be done and when they need to be done and how the correct way to fill them out is. Hopefully this will help Teresa and Charlie keep things going easier if something happens to me. The actual nuts and bolts of farming he can handle, it's all the extra crap that gets so involved now.
If I had switched gears and started packing it in when all this first happened I would have missed out on so much. I probably never would have started looking for anyone to share my life with after losing Jill and would have not met Teresa. I can't say I did it that way on purpose, but once I got to the point I had a choice I was over the thoughts of shutting things down.
Bottom line, if I had to give anyone advice it would be to do what makes you happy and what makes you feel good. Don't worry about unnecessary things. We've never met and all I know of you is what I've read and seen on this web site, but I would find it hard to believe that even if you had a car wreck today everything would be in apple pie order. If you want to slow down, then slow down, if you want to keep farming because you enjoy it, then do it. One thing I have learned through the last 10 years is not to spend a lot of time on the things you can't control. Keep your faith, do what you feel is the right thing to do, help others when you can and I try to set as good an example as I can for my kids.
Email always works if you ever want to write. | |
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How would you live or change your life?
