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Family tension
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Posted 11/24/2023 10:22 (#10494899 - in reply to #10494800)
Subject: RE: Family tension

East of Broken Bow
timis - 11/24/2023 09:25

Kinda looking for some input here.

My brother is pretty meek, I don’t think there’s a problem between him and the siblings, but he has no balls to tell his wife anything. I don’t always agree with my in laws, and many times it hasn’t been where I wanted to be, but it’s important to have a relationship with them, and for grandchildren to know their grandparents. .

I think this sums it up. The wife is used to always getting her way, and anyone who she sees as a threat to that, gets cut off (I'm guessing your brother has a fair amount of respect for his/your parents, and that threatens she who must be obeyed, which is why they are excluded).

I have seen this time and time again, and for the most part I think the pattern goes like this:"

The manipulater gets their way.
If not, they manipulate the situation so that they get their way again.
Anyone a threat to this gets cut off.
The above continues as long as the manipulater gets what they want and is living large.
As soon as the manipulator has a need, they turn to those they were ignoring, and acts like if you just help them out (or do what they want or whatever) you can rebuild a relationship, but as soon as they get what they want, they go right back to their old ways.

If it is truly as you describe, the harder you try to get along, the more you will get 'used'.
I will give you one more thing to think about: Does she treat her children generously, or just herself? If you feel any payments for the farm might not trickle down to the kids, and you have a good relationship with your parents, if you are gutsy enough, try alking to mom and dad. If you are planning on the buyout, and mom and dad say it's only fair that the other kids get paid, ask if you could leave it directly to the grandchildren, in some sort of trust if they are minors, to be sure that they get the benefit.
Another thing I have seen, is that if there were 4 kids, and one kid disowned the parents, they left them 1/4 of what the farm was worth at the time the kid disowned them. The kids that maintained a relationship, and likely worked the farm to help it gain in value, split the balance. 
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