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Central Minnesota | I found out the hard way, but fortunately I was able to talk her off the ledge. Here's my story:
I have been farming for a few years. Bought my Grandpa's farm before he passed away. I started with an Oliver 880 and a 495 Deere planter putting in 40 acres of beans and some hay. Mind you, this was 5 years ago, not 30. In the past years I have got caught up in the "Gotta go huge" syndrome. Of course everyone wants to expand and get bigger. I had a lot of things go my way, but also my fair share of things that didn't, which I dwelled on. Instead of looking at the positives in my life, I looked at the negatives, and it has been eating me alive. All I wanted was more, and more, and more and because of that, and also reading agtalk about how "everyone" has an off farm job, and if you don't, you're not going to make it especially getting started. I got it in my head that I needed one too. And if that wasn't enough, I wanted to start another off farm business to supplement the farm. All I could think about was doing anything I could to make more money. And I have. I have done well for myself for my age. But, what I have been neglecting this whole time is my wonderful beautiful little blonde lady at home who works a job, cleans, cooks, and loves me. I got myself caught up in putting the farm, business, and work way in front of her, and thankfully I don't have little ones running around that I had to subject them to my temper, anxiety, and constant thoughts of how I'm gonna make my next buck and what I need to do to accomplish it. I would leave most mornings (we have a house in town away from the farm) early in the morning and not come home even on the weekends until late at night. She was in bed when I would leave, and sometimes when I got home. She is very close to her family and I do not have a close knit family, so I was always expected to do functions with them pretty often. It would eat me up every time I got taken away from the farm, and also when I go to my off farm job. Every time I was away, all I could think about was everything I needed to do around the farm, and my farm for that matter, is a run down old dairy farm that I have been in the process for years of trying to get whipped into shape, clearing brush, getting rid of old crap I know I will never need that has been there for generations. Every time I go there I look around at all the things I have to do to get it to the way I want it, instead of looking around and seeing how much I have accomplished. I have a very good work ethic, and apparently probably too good that it turned out to be a bad thing. This past week, everything came to a head. I lost it, she lost it, because of the way I have been neglecting her and my absolutely piss poor attitude, and we have been together for 5 years and I always thought there was nothing that could separate us, but I managed to find a way how.
She told me "I cant stand to be with you anymore, we need to figure out what to do with the house and the pets." It felt like I was punched by a UFC fighter. I didn't know what to do. I left, went to my folks place, and all I could do is think about what I have done. I put the farm in front of her and family. All I could think about was being successful, when the biggest success in my life is being with her, and I let that completely slip through my fingers. Thankfully, we let things cool down, we talked, and it took a lot of convincing, and trust on her part, but we figured out what needed to be done to salvage what we have and for the both of us to be happy once again. This was a terrifying experience for me, but it opened my eyes to the real meaning of life, and that is there is more to life than being successful. Being happy and loved is what should be everyone's priority in life. I tried to keep this as short as possible, but I just wanted to share to fellow farmers something I know that more farm families struggle with more than anything, is working too much and neglecting those that really matter back at home. I just hope that I can help someone out in a similar situation learn from my mistake, before it is too late for them, and they end up losing the things that really matter the most. A fellow ag talker and I had a conversation a while back and he told me, " It is easier to see what you don't have, than what you do have." To me, no truer words have ever been spoken and this is now a motto of how I want to live my life. Thanks for reading. | |
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There's more to life than work.
