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SW WI | Had a family gathering yesterday and just left me feeling not so good. Have an older relative (86) that has always had an abrasive attitude. He talks over anyone when he feels he needs to make a point, if you disagree with something he says, he gets very defensive and just about yells his point on the subject. Usually this is just stupid little stuff that I don't feel anyone should get that worked up about. An example would be if someone said they got 8" of snow then he would chime in on "how can that be I got x inches, are you sure you know what you got"? With some of the younger people there talking about their careers, he still can turn the conversation back to what he did(in his day, and by the way I won't be here next year since my time is getting short). Yeah, he has been calling that one for 20+ yrs. Usually I have been able to take it with a grain of salt, like I said he has always been this way. Last couple of years, it has just gotten under my skin more. He does this to everyone, at different times everyone has had a gathering when there was a few tense words. No real big blowups, just has a knack for making people feel defensive themselves. So I know I have changed over the years to let his behavior bother me more. I just don't know how someone can be that inconsiderate at a social gathering. It isn't old man behavior, like I said he has always been this way. I feel like I should respect him somewhat, I don't want to make it obvious that I would leave the room rather than listen to his comments. Over the years I have seen others just sigh when he has his ourbursts, it usually is a pause and then conversation picks up between other people. It feels like your trapped when he starts in one of his moods.
So I guess my question is do other people have a problem like this? How do you handle it? I was doing my chores last nite after the gathering and thinking how tense and on edge I was because I felt like he sucked some of the Christmas spirit out of our gathering. The event was at my place and not inviting him is not an option. The night of Christmas Day I will be at a gathering with him again. I usually try to have conversation with other relatives but can't make it that known I don't care to participate in his behavior. I know he will never change, probally doesn't want to, but how does he think that behavior is acceptable? I know that I need to focus on the meaning of Christmas and turn the other cheek. I have always done that and like I said I want to show some respect to an older person. I guess I just need to vent here. I am going to Christmas Eve services tonight. I want to focus on the reason for Christmas and forget about how he makes me feel. Just wish his behavior was different. If you tell me I need to suck it up, thats what I think I have to do,too. | |
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Difficult relative
