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NW Iowa | Gcat, your friend is blessed to have you! The time he's going through isn't anything I'd wish on my worst enemy! Two were one, now they are being torn apart. Picture a car accident, horrifically your friend has been ripped open and a rib torn out. You or someone comes up to him and say you need to "pull your head out" and think clearly. It may be good advice, but it's not likely to happen.
What you can do is be his friend, his sounding board, his listener, and his coach. I can't underestimate the value you can be! I went through this in '10 and '11. I can point to three or four individuals who were instrumental in getting me through. Each had an area in which I depended on them. Your friend's pain and preoccupation is so intense that it is nearly impossible to block it out. It predominates one's thoughts and the brain space left to devote to critical thinking in other areas is marginal.
He should have a good attorney, but remember often attorneys will seek to capitalize on the situation. It is quite common that they will stir agitation and promote conflict. The more the parties choose to disagree and fight, the more they can bill. Both his and her attorneys have this in common and it's frequently something they will join forces in doing. This isn't to say that he shouldn't heed his attorney's advice, but filter it through aforementioned backdrop. He should most definitely stand up for what is right both for himself and for his soon to be x. If he's a believer and a man on conscience then he'll need to remember this isn't just between he and her, it's also between he and God. At the end of the day he'll want to walk away and know he's done what's right. He should want to uphold his vow's (between he, her and God) until the end. The end being the divorce, (timing debatable, IE seperation, infidelity etc.). He shouldn't sway from what is right for one or the other, or the kid's, most of his efforts should go toward protecting his and his kids interests, she has chosen her fate.
I'll end with the best advice I got during that time which is "do the next right thing"! In a time when his life is a hurricane and it's hard to tell which way is up it is worthy barometer! There is a better day coming! I can't say enough how the good Lord has blessed me in this "plan B" life! I have the most wonderful wife/partner in life, four bonus daughters, a great and much improved relationship with my two kids, and the farm has grown and prospered beyond any expectations of mine and last but not least I'm a much better man! These are things I very much wanted in my former life but it was only in going through the valley of death was I able to gain them! Our God does his best work in the darkest of times! God has great plans for your friend, it's not over yet!
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Divorce advice
