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Floyd County, Iowa | jomama-
I was the executor for my Dad's estate. When I went to the lawyer to start the proceedings, I told them that even though I was the named Executor, I considered my brothers as co-executors, and I would not make any decisions without first consulting them. And I did just that.
I also forfeited the Executor's Fee, which the lawyer and my brothers repeatedly told me that was rightfully mine. We knew that my parents intended for everything to be divided equally among us, and I felt it was my duty to do it for them, and felt it would be a betrayal of their wishes if I had taken the fee. That's just me, though.
Both sets of parents made it pretty "cut-and-dried" as to what was to be done after death. They both also had a sit-down meeting with all their children AND spouses to go over their wishes. When the time came, with the exception of one small thing on my wife's side, everything went very quickly and smoothly.
PLEASE have your parents do this, for everyone's sake, especially yours.
The Executor only fulfills the wishes stated in the Will, and handles things that do come up beyond the Will. And there will be some things that are not covered in the Will- mostly small things. Discussions and constant communication should alleviate any problems.
As far as spouses (in-laws), I'm going to be the odd-man-out here.
Some say that spouses should be left out of the process, but the way I look at it, my wife is part of me and who I am. She is effected by all things that affect me. Same with when her folks passed, I was effected by everything that affected her.
To be excluded from the process can only lead to friction within the families, both immediate and extended.
This isn't the "old days" of family monarchy, where one person could rule over the rest of the family, "it's not yours, like it or not, take it or leave it", and expect to have a family afterward.
I'm also aware that there are some spouses that can be greedy, but I don't think they're everywhere, and in those cases, it should be handled in their own home, away from the proceedings.
In our situations, we had all seen, in past generations, where some of the families never completely recovered from the effects of selfish "tyrants" that though they deserved more than the rest, for whatever reasons. Sad, IMO.
Sorry for the long winded reply, but just trying to say it's an honor and a privilege to be the Executor, and the family's future depends on the actions taken- especially by the writers of the Will before it's needed, and to a much lesser degree, the actions of the Executor after the Will is read.
This is ALL just my opinion, whatever it's worth.
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executor needs help
