source; http://www.wilk4.com/humor/humorm238.htm

You want = You want

We need = I want

It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.

We need to talk = I need to complain

Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to.

I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

You're certainly attentive tonight.= Is sex all you ever think about?

Be romantic, turn out the lights.= I have flabby thighs.

This kitchen is so inconvenient= I want a new house.

I want new curtains= and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

I need wedding shoes= the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white.

Hang the picture there= NO, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise= I noticed you were almost asleep.

Do you love me?= I'm going to ask for something expensive.

How much do you love me?= I did something today you're really not going to like.

I'll be ready in a minute.= Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

Is my butt fat?= Tell me I'm beautiful.

You have to learn to communicate.= Just agree with me.

Are you listening to me!?= [Too late, you're dead.]

Yes= No

No= No

Maybe= No

I'm sorry.= You'll be sorry.

Do you like this recipe?= It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it.

Was that the baby?= Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.

I'm not yelling!= Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.

All we're going to buy is a soap dish= It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new pocket books, and OMIGOD those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

(The answer to "What's wrong?")The same old thing= Nothing

Nothing= Everything

Nothing, really= It's just that you're such an jerk

I don't want to talk about it= Go away, I'm still building up steam