The thread on removing engine oil from a cat got way too serious and way too long.

Let me say to the cat lovers and animal rights activists,  you may as well ignore this thread.  You won't like it and I really don't care.  I am as anti-animal abuse as anyone, but I refuse to give any constitutional rights to a cat.

Before anyone gets upset let me say I like cats ... prefer BBQ sauce over ketchup, but ... kidding!  JUST KIDDING!  At one time we ended up with 27 cats and kittens.  We will not discuss how the situation was rectified, because my idea of humane treatment and others will not jive.

Oh!  Here is something I found doing a Google search for washing a cat.  This Kind of sets the tone for this thread (from http://www.fmylife.com/health /5021908 )

Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, naked myself as it seemed convenient. He disapproved, proceeding to scratch my manparts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with a blood infection, swollen manparts, and an 8" needle hole in my butt where I had to get antibiotics. FML

Yes, the comments were, umm, colorful.

OK, as promised (and if you can't take a joke STOP READING HERE):

How to Wash the Cat

How to Wash the Cat - by the DOG:

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted .
3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for anything they can find. The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. (Never mind the noises that come from your toilet, he is actually enjoying this.)
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and "rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.
6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.

Note: You can omit step one and clean the toilet at the same time, simply flush a few more times.