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Blooming where I am planted! | My friends' oldest is in his last year of high school in the Rockford, IL area. This is a nice, good kid, always courteous to his "aunt" but something else with his parents. He's now sporting four F's in his classes in this last semester. I'm worried if he doesn't turn things around he'll go nowhere fast. He got a good ACT score and has had some good universities (including KSU) interested in him up till now.
I told his parents if he is looking for something to do, he can come out here on the farm and we'll find plenty of work for him to do...paint barns, help with harvest, build a small shed, clear junk, etc. but that he would have to pull his weight.
Just had to vent. Such a good kid and nobody seems to know what is wrong, other than that he's immature and hasn't had to face his own consequences yet. His parents think money will be a wonderful motivator, and I tend to agree. |
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Rock County, MN | Well maybe but first he has to want an everything will fall into place with guidance after that |
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C IL | I say "grab him" outta there and take him to the farm right now. He is apparently falling into some kind of poor peer trap. I just hate to see parents allow this to happen. Yeah - not my problem, and we are not supposed to judge......sorry, it just happened. |
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Blooming where I am planted! | I'm pretty sure if he gets kicked out of his house and/or has to pay rent he'd straighten up pretty quick. |
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Schlegel Farms, Hagerstown Indiana | Is there any chance he has a new circle of friends, or could be experimenting with drugs? |
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Near Richmond, IN | First thing I thought of was drugs, too. |
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nw NC | That's what I thought, also. |
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Blooming where I am planted! | His parents have grilled him and he says no. He says he is not into alcohol either. Supposedly he gets his homework done before he leaves school for the day. I'm not sure what kind of school that would be. When I was in my senior year, I had homework every night. Besides, he doesn't have the grades to reflect knowing the subject matter. The counselor told him he could fail "only" up to 4 classes and still graduate, and he replied, "oh, so I can fail 2 more so I have a cushion". Just seems like he's doing as little as possible.
His dad says he doesn't go anywhere either. Comes home and plays a video game--forgot the name of it--has 2 words, first one starts with a C. Supposedly his parents restrict video game time, going so far as to pull the cord out of the wall. He also volunteers selling tickets at events, and works one day a week at McDonald's.
Edited by amsunshine 2/27/2012 17:24
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West Texas | Sounds like time for tuff love. Cut all (NOT RESTRICT) electronics, Telephone, games TV ect. If he's not willing to pull his load, suffer the consequences.
"but something else with his parents"
Sounds like so many parents in this day and age. Think that they can be friends with their children instead of parents. My first thoughts were no displinine and then maybe he got an introductory course to drugs or girls. |
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Somewhere in North central Iowa | If he was my kid, video game time would be impossible with the game unit in the garbage until his grades got better. Man, I'm not looking forward to the teenage years!
John |
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Wolcottville,Indiana | sounds like girld and drugs, but I am barely right |
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Blooming where I am planted! | That's what his dad thinks. I half-joked that this young man needed to be careful, or he'd be one of those 40-year-old jobless guys who never left home. The other half of me wasn't joking. |
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Northern Illinois | I live in the Rockford Illinois area.. Pretty tough area right now as far as economics go, rated 9th worst city to live the school system is a nightmare, wouldnt take much for him to get in w/ the wrong crowd.. I could put him to work! |
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Southeastern Kansas | One thing you did not mention was if the parents talked to teachers and staff. Surely they did. I hope they are not trusting his interpretation of what is going on. Has he been tested for drugs? I'm not trusting his view on this at all. You just don't get grades like that for no good reason. The kid is not being honest with you. Have they looked at depression? Could be drug induced or not. One thing for sure, there is a cause for this and not getting to the bottom of it is costing the kid dearly. |
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| those were my thoughts. |
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Kaukauna WI | So hard to be a parent. I have 5. Every one of them is different, too. Someone has to have a good heart-to-heart with him. |
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West Union, IOWA FLOLO Farm 52175 | Not to spook you....but Rolan went the same way,and you know how we ended up.
With that said,don't go overboard....check with teachers,and others he's had contact with....make sure the kid doesn't fall thru the cracks..... Be available to help the parents parent.....hopefully they're up to the task at hand....
Edited by loran 2/27/2012 19:13
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central - east central Minnesota - | Check out his facebook page and the pages of those he "hangs" with .. . . a person can recieve some pretty interesting "leads" to further look at/into . . . . . .
Thanks for taking the time to care . . . . offer help in any ways you can ~ |
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NW MN | Video game guess "Call of Duty" or also know as COD. Giant time sink but fun, just needs strict time management and something else to do. |
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WCIL | I'm thinking a little manure time. I told my kids if I EVER got called to the principal's office they'd better be there with their nose in a book doing homework. And... when we got home it would involve a: powerwasher, scoop shovel, pitchfork , manure scrapper or a hose. |
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| Take him to the farm, very well could be bored. A few good days work at something he can do and to be able to see the end result can do wonders. Might always play games because he is good at it and its rewarding to beat a level and start a new one.. As for the Fs if they told me u could fail four classes and still be ok, well thats a no brianer imo. Now if on your farm you told me to do a job and i couldnt leave until it was done and done right, then that changes things big time. A fair pay and a mix of jobs is maybe all he needs. Drugs might be an issue, i dont think even an honest kid would tell their parents,but you being an outsider or boss you could notice things before his parents would. Everybody wants to feel invovled in something, maybe the farm is it.. |
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ALTUS,OKLA73521 | I'm thinking this kid is a big suicide risk. He has 2 or 3 things I can think about. 1. He may not want to leave home and the comfort. ie, as stated above. Another .2. He may have some gender confusion and be like the boy that jumped off of the Washington bridge in nyc. 3. I would be very hard to be convinced that he is not using pot. One of the things they do is have no ambition, flat affect, and can not make decisions. I think your family needs a psychological evaluation. If he is o k. Take him to the manure pit, but go with him. Let him see how the other half lives and what he is facing as an illiterate. One of my sons was rather like that . I sent him to Dr Phil who was a psychologist in wichita Falls, Texas at the time. (before the big time). He came back as a very high I Q, but no ambition. I soon realized he was on pot. My other 2 kids have acheived great success.He still is working my farms amd has to be driven.. He is my enigma . He recently told me he still did pot. |
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Rock County, MN | An escorted trip to recruiters office may help |
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Blooming where I am planted! | Thanks for all the replies, everyone. I love their kids as if they were my own, and before I was married, I told my friends I'd find a way to take all 4 of their kids and raise them if something happened to them. It's quite upsetting to see this happening, as my friends have busted their behinds for these kids. I am thinking of writing my "nephew" a heart-to-heart letter. His birthday is this Friday and for the first time in his life, I am afraid for him. Gypwater, I hope to God he is not on pot. That would be devastating. |
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| What kind of counselor will tell you just how bad you can screw up your grades and still graduate HS??? Seems to me that the school has such low expectations for this young man that they have given up on him. As a parent I would have GENTLY REDIRECTED his efforts in school. I'm sorry but his parents need to be on the hook for his "don't give a crap" attitude. Instilling pride in your achievements is the building blocks of life in my opinion. I did just enough in HS as well but pulled steady C's and B's. If I was failing 4 classes my a$$ would have been in a sling so dang fast. My .02 free for the taking. |
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SW IN | If he has a good ACT score and schools interested in him, I assume he has done much better in the past in school. I would think a full medical check up, including a drug screen, would be in order first. If he has no health issues, and is just goofing off, some tough parenting is in order. All books come home at night, and video games disappear. Sad to say, sometimes time is the only cure, and sometimes nothing works. We all know worthless 50 year old kids. The parents have to fight real hard, right now, to turn him around. If you bring him to the farm, be cautious. He is going to try to manipulate you. |
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Blooming where I am planted! | Those and the other suggestions from other posters are great ones. I'll have a talk with my friends. I in no way want to overstep my bounds as an "aunt", and they're not asking for my advice right now, but I sure do have some thoughts on the matter. The mom of these kids was my roommate in college, so I have known them a loooooong time. I stood up in their wedding. It's funny when you meet someone young, you have the best visions for how their kids are going to turn out, and you dream good dreams along those lines. Their dad is OK in the discipline department but not very ambitious in life otherwise. This has always been a worry of mine, and I had hoped the kids would take more after their mom. She has her own difficulties too, but I think all in all has done pretty well in life (but not economically). The oldest three have always been in honors programs and gotten good grades before now. The youngest is a pretty, free spirit who I'm guessing will make her life in music or modeling. She has a voice like the prettiest little bird you've ever heard, and isn't afraid to sing everywhere she goes. |
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near dyersville iowa | Put him to work on the farm. Give him the worst jobs on the place. Instill in him the idea that this is what he will be doing for the next 50 or 60 years if he doesnt get an education. Ask him if he would rather drive a desk all day, or pick up junk all day... |
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Rolla, ND | I think the first thing that everyone wonders is drugs. It's not worth wondering about, it's just a fact. Do a hair test and see.
Sounds like he might actually not be into drugs. Just as you say sliding.
That could be depression, a winter spent in front of the video game is a great formula for seasonal affective disorder.
Basically would mean he just doesn't care at this point.
Now something is wrong if he says he's doing to work and is getting F's. Time for parents to contact the teachers and see if he actually is doing the work. If he is, then it's what is happening on the tests?
As others have said, there is a very good chance when grades are sliding like this that he is at risk for suicide.
It might just be some sort of rebellion or something, but it really doesn't sound like it.
Would also recommend a counselor for him and maybe the whole family. Doesn't hurt to sit down and talk to a professional. He might just be where he doesn't see the use of school, he might be planning his suicide, he might be fighting with a mental illness and be getting tired of the voices.
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sw nebraska | Glad you are concerned for this young man. If you get to bring him to the farm make sure he wants that not just mom and dad. We helped 2 different young people. 1st did not want to be on the farm and we could not find any way to make him work. 2nd chose to come and work over teen jail turned out good. You would be suprised how fast the first one found the low life of our area to try and hang out. |
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ALTUS,OKLA73521 | I think the father who shot the computer was doing the right thing. May be the solution in this case. |
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North End I-15 | But then how could they read all the "cure replies"? ;-) |
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Slidin' into F's
