"It has been reported that one of the fastidious young brides in town kneads bread with gloves on.  The editor of this paper needs bread with his shirt on, needs bread with his shoes on, he needs bread with his pants on, and unless some of the delinquent subscribers to this old rag of freedom pony up before long, he'll need bread without a darn thing on.  And the Midwest is no Garden of Eden in the wintertime."

also

"Due to a breakdown of the motor which runs our press, local births, deaths and weddings will be postponed until next week."