I could recognize usafarmer's experience and understood what he was expressing in his situation and how he coped with the situation.

As I was talking about it's all about trying to make the best decision out of a pile of bad choices when it comes to trying to cope with a parent(s) with dementia issues.

Let them continue to drive (or whatever activity) or curtail or stop ? based on what certain set of circumstances ??  Should they be cared for at home or should they be placed in a memory unit housing ?   Will they go? Will they Want to go, will they resist or fight moving ?? If they stay home what/how to make the house safer ??  How long can or should they remain in their home ??

Just those few sentences of questions were the tip of the iceberg in the mountain of issues I had to deal with on a daily basis..  I had no one to help share the responsibility for care with.

Far as not talking about it.  Well yah, suppose I could not say word one,, but...  having been through that situation with zero guidance and zero help I can say it was not any picnic. I know I was not the first person who had to cope with a parent with dementia, and will not be the last.

So, if there's 1 thing I can point out or say that helps someone else why shouldn't I say something ??

What I can suggest to anyone facing this sitution is pre-plan, pre-plan, pre-plan. In the case of Guardianship I actually had to submit a written plan to the court for about every contingincy then have a "backup" plan for the primary plan.

One specific instance was,, When can she no longer live at home ?  I happened to choose 3 instances of her wandering off. 1st is a fluke, 2nd is an indicator, 3rd ??  Ok,, now there is a diffinate pattern developing.   Then what ?   Well in my case I had not 1 but 3 different places on a list of homes, from that I chose one and kept the other 2 available as secondary plans.

That's the issue,, For people just being confronted with this situation it's tough to almost impossible to weed through the mountain of "what should I do or decide"..

So yes  I will offer suggestions to others.  It is simply a "pay if Forward" as I see it.

On a "lighter humorous note"  (which becomes almost non-existant)  one that stands out is having a discussion about the parent's medical condition with the Doctor.  He had prescribed a weekly calcium booster pill which over time became almost impossible for her to swallow. I got very direct with the Dr. about the necessity of the pill.  The Dr's Finally kind of exploded,,stated,, "WELL SHE MIGHT GET OSTEOPROSIS!"   I responded with,, "she MIGHT get osteoprosis??  MY GOD she's 85 years old and you think she needs to endure taking these pills because she MIGHT get osteoprosis" !?!!??"   Up to that point the Dr. had not explained the physical situation well at all and led me to believe the pills were actually medically necessary as she had osteoprosis !!

The take home message here is get the legal authority necessary to discuss ANY MEDICAL, Financial, etc.. decision that has to be made for a parent with dementia. And,, DO NOT ever give in,, or go along with, fail to ask because it would be un-polite, or whatever.  If it sounds or looks wrong QUESTION IT and Continue to do so till the situation IS resolved !!

(yes there are a couple of people on this site who do contact me thru my email)

The last issue is, faced with this highly emotional situation,, everyone is different and react  much differently.  What they may say or not say is going to be different and is largely based on how they were raised to deal with adverse situations such as this.  Doesn't mean they don't care or are indifferent, etc.. they are expressing their situation based on their experiences and how they were raised.

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