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EC Iowa | ... at three different careers, and a five-year at-home sabbatical when the boys were grade-schoolers, I can only say I agree with all of the above, pro and con. It is a heart-wrenching, life-changing decision you are making, no matter which way you go. Talk to each other, pray about it and do what is right for you.
My experiences:
~ The banker was a player in our decision when we were your age (early 70s). Your are going to laugh at this ... He wanted to know if I would be raising chickens to sell eggs if I didn't have a job as loan collateral. So I took a job teaching instead. I felt pressured into that decision.
You don't seem to have banker pressure, which is great.
~ When I tucked my 3-year-old into bed one night and told him I loved him, he replied, 'You don't love me. Florence does.' Florence was his babysitter. I cried all night and resigned the next morning.
You don't say what your wife's job is ~ big factor! I had salaried, professional positions that I loved where you work until the job is done, rather than 8-5. Often days were 10 and 12 hours, weeks 60-70 hours. The money was good, but you can see the sacrifice we made on the home front.
You say she hates her job ~ #1 reason she should get out of it.
The time at home when the babes are little is too precious ...
~ Yes, I was home with the boys the next 5 years, but soon felt cut off socially and bored intellectually. I joined a women's club big into community projects and service, I volunteered with school programs, 4-H, etc., and used some excess energy there. I had a huge garden and learned how to freeze and can, but we never deluded ourselves that it saved money ~ it doesn't! It just feels good to have your own homegrown goodies. I tried helping hubby in the field but wasn't good at it ~ he spent a lot of time teaching me to no avail. Once the boys were in school, I needed something else, so jumped at the offer of a part-time position as an Extension home economist (that job became obsolete 15 years later and I was laid off, but that money got one through college and the other launched into the work world).
~ It's 1993 and Iowa is afloat in the Great Flood. We farm river bottom so took a hard hit ~ and we needed health insurance. There are no rose-colored glasses that can make the cost of health insurance come down. It is a harsh reality that even the health care bill under debate won't fix. If you can truly afford your own health insurance, you are lucky indeed.
I began my third career as a reporter/editor for the local paper with a 50% cut in salary (difference between being a gov't employee and a main street peon) just to get the health insurance for the two of us (the boys are on their own, I'm proud to say). I worked several years past when we really wanted me to retire just to get to Medicare eligibility.
It's easy to fall into the trap in years when farming pays to thinking you can get by ~ what will you do when everything tanks for whatever reason?
Whatever you do, keep loving each other. We are much stronger in our marriage for having made these decisions together. | |
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Working with wife full time
