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Earlville, NY | I was not sure about posting this, as a few people I know are on here and this is an 'anonymous' issue;
I had a minor stroke 6 months ago. Aside from some lingering weakness I've made a pretty full recovery. When I was in rehab, and spring was in full gear, I was not worried about much (other than current miserable monsoon weather). In past 6 or 8 weeks, suddenly was feeling overwhelmed by everything. General feeling of uselessness, no motivation, and suddenly very depressed about my 'boys' getting older; they are 11 and 14. Not real interested in farm, at least not yet. I love them both very much and can't seem to think about them when they were small without severe sense of loss, even though I have been able to spend far more time with them than my dad was able to for my sisters and I (none of us have ever resented this; despite not spending much time with us, we grew up on the farm, had chores, still were around him all the time etc. See him a lot now, Mom passed 3 1/2 years ago). I just seem to not see any future once they get a few years older, go to college or workforce etc. Wife and I are putting in a new home this summer and fall, don't really care all of sudden.
I've had several big medical problems over the years; a small heart attack 15 years ago (forgot to take HBP meds for two weeks when my MIL passed unexpectedly), had a heart valve replaced 8 years ago with an emergency intestinal surgery during recovery, was placed on warfarin, which may have caused stroke due to having a hard time keeping dose consistent. I had no trouble or issues with previous recoveries. This one has been suddenly difficult, and given me definite questions about my future health; it seems like I went from 33 to 53 years old with nothing in between.
I'm not very busy with farm, i have a junior partner that keeps the outdoor part running decent, and my father keeps the books mostly going. Dad is 84, and despite a bad back and weakness that keeps him from doing outside work, he is still very sharp and does most of the book work which he's good at. I like to let him do it since he can't travel much, has taken up a few new hobbies. Since Mom dies he's kept himself always busy, while suddenly I have little to do, or at least no motivation to do so.
Married life is stressful; my wife has a back issue that wasn't resolved with simple surgery she had, she may need to get a fusion now. She is somewhat resentful I think of the work she had to take up when I was out with stroke, but I was back doing house stuff faster than she's has been out (and was already doing before stroke). We are moving soon, I'm worried about that; my wife is kind of a hoarder, she buys things without discussing it first or getting rid of anything. She is very disorganized, she knows where things are but everything is very cluttered whereas I like to be at least somewhat organized and picked up. This has caused a lot of conflict the last few years. I do most of the cleaning cooking washing etc. She is good at helping with homework and the kids are fairly well behaved and loving kids, although even the oldest has confided in me that he doesn't like all the clutter. There is literally no space for use of the current small house; there isn't room for anything and we never throw or give anything away. She does have bit of mental issue, but seems to use it as a crutch for her issues without consideration for mine, or take steps to help deal with it. Have thought about getting co-counseling, because I get aggravated too easily, and trying to ask wife she gets resentful easily so we have a argument instead of a discussion.
I have started to see a therapist, which is helpful to just have someone to talk to. I have scheduled a visit with a mental health Dr who knows more about possible medication than my GP would know, but could not get in till July 30. I'm not sure what I will get from this post, just maybe someone that has gone through similar issues maybe, or just some suggestions I haven't heard, or just words of encouragement. Very frustrating, maybe a lingering problem from stroke (which can be common), seem to have no emotional control and never know what may happen at any time, mentally or physically.
Thanks for any comments, I'm very appreciative of any.
Edited by moobeast 6/18/2025 11:16
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mental health
