Posted 8/2/2020 04:35 (#8409996) Subject: What would you do - german version
Looking for some ideas to a situation that has been troubling me for quite some time, sorry for the long read. I am 37 years, married, we just had twins and bought a house. My wife and I both hold degrees in agriculture and work in ag related fields. I love my job, the money is good, hours are long but somewhat flexible. But it is demanding.
The problems come from my parents farm. They board horses for other people quite sucessfully, the farm has grown a lot in recent years. I work on the farm when times allow and care a lot (too much?) about its well being. The farm is labour intensive, there is always something to do or customers to turn to. My dad is very picky about things, kind of a control freak and has high expectations. We do work alongside each other, but it is not a smooth ride. We are now talking transitioning the farm to me. With a lot of long days the farm could be run after work.
When working there I enjoy myself very much, while at the same time fear I leave my wife (and now my kids) alone too much. She is also very peculiar. For example being late for lunch is a big deal with her, which takes a lot of the flexibility and fun out of farm work. She harshly points out flaws happening on the farm or in what I do. That takes away all my motivation for running a late night after working in town. At the same time she does not engage in the farm very much for fear of being critized. I can relate to that.
When we got together the farm was one of our dreams and wishes. She has a farming/horse backround and I felt this could really be a great opportunity for both of us. But the troughout the last year or so I feel I don't get her support for my effort there. E.g. when looking for a house we found a run down house with a lot of land suitable for the farm and I was all over it. She was afraid of debt and the needed renovations. Because of that we did not put a very high offer in and didn't get the house. I was bummed. The house we bought is a much better one, though.
How do I solve this? There are a couple of goals and I can't meet them all:
a) please my wife
b) do the very best job in town
c) fullfill my dad's expectations
d) enjoy myself
Here are some solutions I came up with:
1) hire someone to run the day to day farm
2) quit in town and run the farm
3) rent the farm out
4) find a way to get my wife to engage in farm work
5) just put it towards the pregnancy and wait a year or so for it to get better