This is an update to a couple of posts that I've made in the past few months.  

https://talk.newagtalk.com/forums/thread-view.asp?tid=834302&posts=60#M7310612

https://talk.newagtalk.com/forums/thread-view.asp?tid=837890&posts=23#M7347263

It hasn't gotten any easier.  Despite how I felt six months ago that life was going great and that things for our family were looking good.  The big D is on the horizon and I continue to fight and pray.  I have learned that my failings were my failings, and that I can control only how I myself have changed and how I must live going forward.  The kids are adapting, and each will admit in a one on one moment that there only wish is to be a family again.  The best thing I've done is turn to God and beginning to live for him and show a different kind of love to each relationship in my life.  My fellow Agtalkers who check in and who are truly supportive are a blessing.  Men who have been through this, men who are working on making their marriages better, and those who include us in their prayers.  It's been a tough winter calving and a tough spring trying to get things done, when at times getting out of bed seems impossible.  I will continue to show my love to the kids and make myself a better person.  Without hope there is no life.  Thank you everyone for your prayers and I appreciate you all my friends.