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C IL | Sounds to me like you have some issues putting up boundaries for yourself, which a lot of folks and kids involved in family businesses understand.
Until you start enforcing those boundaries so it becomes clear to your dad that you have other priorities and responsibilities nothing will change. He doesn’t respect your responsibilities to your wife and kids and until you respect those responsibilities more than you currently do he won’t either.
What do you have to gain if you continue your current arrangement? Continue being bullied and rolled over. A chance of future inheritance, who knows how that might work out. Many sad stories on here of how that works out - money all gone to finance retiree healthcare or travel, ends up split evenly among heirs despite sweat equity, etc.
It sounds to me like you want to make a change and are not sure how. Since you are not financially involved at all, this should much easier than if it required you to financially disentangle yourself from his operation.
A clear, firm, telegraphed first step, sometime which you can stick to, is perhaps a good way to start. Maybe letting him know that you have a family day out Saturday and can’t make it down to the farm to fix some small mechanical thing in the off-season. Maybe you have a family day out 5 weekends in a row until it starts to sink in. Maybe you have an upcoming vacation and can’t take an extra week off this spring, just the regular week.
Right now your dad is getting what he wants and you are letting him. What is your downside to any change - more time with your family? That’s hardly bad. Happier wife? Definitely not bad. Being paid for the week you are gone at your job instead of getting nothing for the week you work on the farm? Hardly bad. A less abusive relationship with your dad? Hardly bad.
Kudos to you for recognizing the pattern and moving to address it.
Just take small, easy steps and see what happens. Make a reasonable plan that you and your wife discuss and agree about and stick to the plan!
Edited by sand85 1/7/2019 19:06
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