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Concordia, KS | Thanks to all for the advice. When this happened last night, I hadn’t talked to anybody about it at all until
I posted here. I was feeling so overwhelmed, I was completely swamped at work, folks were on vacation, was trying to take care of cattle before and after work, and I hadn’t talked to anyone. I didn’t know what to do, but the folks here I thought could give some advise to get through the day.
I knew this day would be hard, I still call her my wife, even though the end of our marriage is near. After our discussions about honesty, I didn’t expect to hear about somebody new from my son. I had wondered about it, 1+1 didn’t equal 2, but I expected to hear that from her. We promised honesty about new people to each other, so we could both help our son.
I never wanted to be divorced. Out of all my extended family, there has been 1 divorce, and that was before my aunt met my uncle. I feel like kind of a black sheep and a failure. I guess part of the reason that I feel the way I do, is I gave everything I had to make it work. To see her move on so quickly hurts.
I talked with a close friend after work which helped. My folks got home and I was still at the farm, and asked them to just listen for a bit. Just being able to talk helped me a bunch. I’m planning to talk to a preacher this week, have an appointment with my lawyer Wednesday, and am in a better place tonight. I understand a little more about how sometimes women just need to talk, not have somebody fix their problems.
For all of those who say to not badmouth the ex, she is a good mother to my son. I do not say bad things about her around Nolan. I keep a picture of the three of us on the fridge, about at Nolan’s eye level. When he walks by and looks at it, I tell him that Mommy loves you and Daddy loves you. It was hard when he asked to Daddy love Mommy? All I could say was that You love Mommy. We had good communication up to last night. I talked with both her and Nolan tonight. After spending the weekend with me, he asked if I chopped ice, fed cattle, and drove the tractor today. He also asked about “his” black cow. She is the one he looks for as she is different than the others in the bunch-the others are Herefords. Talking to him helped lift my spirits and see again the good that comes from the bad. My wife apologized for not telling me, and wants to continue with good communication. We will be in his life for the rest of ours, we just gotta continue getting along. Coparenting has been hard, but probably has been as good as it can be so far. It blows me away, but last weekend she asked me to work on her vehicle. I politely told her no, when you asked for your divorce, you lost your mechanic. Evidently the new dude isn’t mechanically inclines.
I’m trying to be the best Dad I know how to be. He has 3 weekends a month with me, and when a little older, will spend the summers with me as well. I talk to him every night, sometimes he talks for 5 minutes and other times it’s a half hour. He asks about my day, where I am, what I did, and what is happening on the farm. I work in town as well, but will stop whatever I’m doing to have that time with my son before he eats supper. Dad and I have the understanding that if something is not moving around 5, it means I am talking to Nolan. I look forward to those calls at night and he counts down the days until Daddy Nolan Day.
Dad told me to see the positives. Even though things suck, we have a wonderful, 43 lb 40 inch tall boy that turned 3 on New Years Eve. I wouldn’t have him without my marriage. I threw him a party, had a few people over and just had a great time. He is incredibly smart, knows his ABC’s, can count to 30, loves books, and is always asking about how this or that works. He gave me the best Christmas present I could of asked for, he didn’t care about presents. When I asked him if he wanted to open them, he said “I’m just happy to be home.” I hope he can look back one day and say that my Dad did his best, because Lord knows I’m trying.
To help focus on the positives, here are a few pictures from chores, playing in the snow for th first time, and his birthday.
Thanks to all who reached out and I appreciate all the advice.
Edited by Swenny79 1/15/2018 22:59
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Divorce Question
