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Question for those who live with a girlfriend
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pat-michigan
Posted 5/19/2017 12:07 (#6025003 - in reply to #6024219)
Subject: RE: Question for those who live with a girlfriend


Thumb of Michigan
Lots of good suggestions here.

And, if I'm picking up the right thing in the responses the OP has been giving, theres more than just money involved in making a fair arrangement.

That is, the girlfriend has some pride and some independence and doesn't nessecarily want to give up either. If I'm wrong in my interpretation, I sincerely apologize.

Almost 30 years ago, a girl who had been a good friend of mine for a long time was going through a divorce. I had been divorced for a while at that time already. We began dating, didn't know where it might go. Yes, before anyone brings it up, we did understand that the situation could be problematic. She wanted out of a bad marriage, she had a good job and didn't need anyone to help her financially. She didn't have to do anything to survive, she could take care of herself. We liked each other a lot, enough to try living together anyway. Long story short, she moved into my home with me. What made the situation a little different than the OP's was that she was bringing her young son along as well.

My then girl friend had been self sufficient her whole life, had a lot of pride, and was not going to be a "kept" woman, no matter what her current situation was. We had a talk before she moved in, what we decided on was that she buy groceries. Period. She in reality was making good money, and she did contribute to other expenses beside groceries- but it was her choice. Really the only other agreement we had was that I had picked out which side of the bed I liked and which dresser drawers were mine and don't try to rearrange any of that. She could change anything else in the house she wanted to, didn't bother me at all. But again, it was important to her that she wanted and needed to feel like she was carrying her weight in the relationship, and none of that included anything happening in the boudoir.

Looking back, it was probably all a little more symbolic than it was "fair", but we were both satisfied with the arrangement at the time.

We lived together for a little over a year, and eloped. Had a baby a little over a year afterwords. Woke up with my old girlfriend / now wife again this morning. The shared expense thing went away a long time ago. I got her a credit card, I pay the bill, she's still way more frugal with it than I would be if the situation were reversed. I have no regrets at all about moving in together first, and most days she'd say the same. I hope anyway. Thats maybe not the ebd goal either of you have in mind- marriage that is- but I'm certainly glad that the moon and stars aligned for us .
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