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SW Indiana | I have been through some of what you are experiencing. When I met my wife of 11 years she had 2 wonderful boys 4 & 7 when I came along. Their dad didn't see them a lot and I feel that I was kinda that figure for them, and consider them my kids, if anyone ever asks how many kids I have, its an easy answer 3. I'm currently going through a divorce and it has been hard on everyone. After she left our home last June after seeing another guy I've continued to be as much of a part of my two step-sons lives as possible. The oldest is in college, and the younger is finishing his junior year in high school. The younger one and our 8 year old boy are very close and they are usually with me 3 or 4 days a week. The best thing I feel like I did was just being there as a father, making sure that I was at football games, school and church events. Really neither one of the two older boys had bad attitudes, once they were old enough they helped out on the weekends on the farm, usually washing semis on the weekends, the younger one is still at it, and they get paid well, something I always did try to teach work = money.
Honestly my 8 year old has much more 'boredom' problems than the other 2 ever had. My mom said I was the same way though, said my famous saying was what can I do or eat. Like father, like son I guess. My 8 year old is the only one that has taken to the farm, but he still seems to need constant entertainment. Used to I would ask him to go with me or ride with me...combine, tractor, semi whatever and usually he wouldn't want to go. There has been a few times last fall where I said your going with me, instead of staying over at mom and dad's farm, playing games on their computer because they have 'good internet'. Every time I 'made' him go with me he ended up thanking me for taking him. Once last fall I made him go with me in the semi to where we were shelling, pouted the whole way and wouldn't look at me. Once there he loved it, playing in the trucks on the corn and things, once we got back gave me a big hug and thanked me for taking him. Had him in the combine and let him drive cutting some beans in a open creak bottom and I couldn't get him out of the seat.
I guess my advice is take him along with you even sometimes when he doesn't want to go, be active in activities...sports, school, church, and love him as your own. It has worked for me, and continues to.
Edited by Blowin Smoke 3/27/2015 22:42
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advice on 10 year old stepson needed.
