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credit where due, jokes from my favorite comedian
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Chris
Posted 12/19/2014 13:32 (#4251260)
Subject: credit where due, jokes from my favorite comedian



East central Iowa

below krantz posted a joke that is universally known as the God joke and it's from Emo Phillips.  One of the most unusual, quirky and innovative comedians on the face of the planet.  Often his one liners (actually 2 or 3 lines)  take a moment for some to understand and of course some never do.

"I was in the park the other day, and I look over, and I say to myself... 'Hey! That's Jimmy Peterson! I haven't seen him since the third grade!' So I go up to him, and I say, 'How ya doin, Jimmy? You drunken reprobate... You moron...' And Jimmy starts crying and crying, mommy, mommy... That's when I realize... If that's really Jimmy... Then he would have grown up, too."

The original joke:"
I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me too! What franchise?" He said, "Baptist." I said, "Me too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist." I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist." I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist or Northern Conservative Reformed Baptist?" He said, "Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist." I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Council of 1879 or Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Council of 1912?" He said, "Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Council of 1912." I said, "Die heretic!" And I pushed him off!"

Other short ones, " When I was a boy, my parents said "Never open the basement door". All my life, "Never open the basement door", "Whatever you do, never open the basement door". Then one day, I opened the basement door and I saw the most wonderful things. The sky, the sun, birds, trees,etc......"  "A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.""I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."

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