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south Central Michigan | I really feel for you. I don't think it's so much the long hours you are working as much as how hard your uncle is on you coupled with the fact if I recall correctly your wife has some serious medical issues and you have to help her out quite a bit. (I seem to remember a post from you in the late spring or early summer on some of these issues if I'm correct on my thinking) . And as far as your uncle saying that it's just the stess from farming. I don't buy that for a minute. Every one of us on this forum has stress in one form or another. Some more than others. It's how you deal with it that sorts us out from each other. I've had a really bad year but im not lashing out at everybody that gets within earshot of me. It's not their fault.
I have been in that type of environment before and I was younger than you are right now if you can believe that ( im 30 right now). Here's my story. When I was growing up my Dad and Grandad were farming in a partnership together. My Granddad was like your uncle only worse. He could be extremely verbally abusive and he knew how to corner you a tear you a new one. One of his little quirks was he would pick a certain individual and just ride him relentlessly. When his kids were growing up it was my uncle. He single handedly made sure Bill would never farm with him. He left when he turned 18, was drafted into the Army and did a tour in Vietnam. After all that he said he would never work around his dad again. Well I came along and as soon as I started hanging around the farm like farm kids do I noticed Granddad's demeanor changed towards me. He got ornery, and man was his temper short. He would explode on me for the littlest reason. About when I was 9 or 10 he decided unilaterally to treat me like he did his eldest son Bill. And I became his whipping boy. He never treated my younger brother who came around the farm latter ( he's 4 years younger than me) my sister, (2 years younger) or any of his other grandchildren like he treated me. He had this knack of going at me when Dad wasn't around to stand up for me and I took it in silence because I was taught to respect my elders. This went on for a number of years until one day Dad caught him tearing me a new one. He went at his Dad and later him and Grandma had a talk with me and I finally told them what had been going on. They were both horrified and both of them tore him a new one. That made things slightly better but he would still go at me periodically. Dad then told me something I'll never forget. Justin all those things I told you about respecting your elders. Well when it comes to him forget them. He doesn't seem to respect you and you have every right to defend yourself against him so fight back if nobody's around to stick up for you. I did. It made for some extremely vicious arguments but the message got across that open season on me was over. Dad til this day feels really guilty of not realizing what was going on but he was stuck in between a rock and a hard place. Grandad at that point still owned the majority of the farmland solely. (Never one to give up control) and he didn't want to walk away with nothing for all his years of work. I loved farming but by the time my junior year of high school I had decided there was no way I could work around my grandfather. The environment was just to toxic between us. Then in November 2000 he was diagnosed with lung cancer. And as his health declined I took over farm responsibilities because Dad was by himself. As soon as I got home from school I would change my clothes and head to work with Dad. And I did this while keeping a 3.7 gpa in school. (Not much time for socializing but that was Ok) Grandad died in April 2002 and after I graduated I went and started working for dad and it was actually fun. My brother and I along with our Dad are partners now. The only reason I told you this long story is to show you that I have been in your shoes. (Maybe a bit worse)
My thoughts are you need some type of intervention. I don't know if your grandfather condones your uncle's actions or not. If he doesn't talk to him. If he does try to find someone they both will listen to. If you can't find anybody im afraid your options are limited in your present situation. You then have to have that gut soul search with yourself and see if it is indeed worth it. You're going to have decide if you can take this for the foreseeable future or not. With you not having any ownership stake you don't have much power in the day to day operations. I know you are trying to take over when either your grandfather or uncle hand over the reigns but if your uncle is indeed the white knuckled perfectionist you say he is, the only way he is going to step aside is if he becomes physically unable to do it or like in my Granddads case he gets sick and dies. I personally think if you say enough is enough I think you have your head on straight you should have no trouble finding a job in the AG field. Sometimes you have to follow a different dream than the one you initially intended.
Sorry for the long post but I wanted to get my point of view across. | |
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Only thing I can figure
