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NNY | My 27 yr old son,on the farm, is bringing his new girlfriend home tonite for dinner. I dont know what to think, she is from a really different background than the type of life we live. Our son has had several long term relationships in the past and i know he is ready to get on with it but he always involves himself with girls that have no concept of farming. The last girl,2 yr relationship, was a beautiful girl who we all loved couldn't take being alone during the busy times of cropping and started drinking and ended up atAA. Come to find out her mother has the same problem. My concern is he has been around several "good girls" but he fails to see past the looks. I know its possible for this new girlfriend to accept what he does for a living and learn how to deal with his schedule
I only want him to be happy and am concerned he may end up with someone that will work against him rather than with him.
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west central illinois | My wife was not from a farming background and had no idea anything about it. The background she is from may play a little into how well they get along but it a small portion.
If he has truly met a girl who wants to be with him she will adjust and learn to cope with what goes along with farming. He does not need mom and dad pushing him one way or the other. He will find his soul mate himself. |
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South Plains of Texas | When my daughter got engaged to her husband, he wasn't who I would have picked at all. I came to the conclusion that We tried to raise her with some smarts and left it alone and just treated him like I was treated by my in laws. That was 6 yrs ago and he is a great Dad and Husband.
I also kept reminding myself that I'm sure my in laws weren't real keen on me marrying their daughter. |
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Embarrass WI | If he's 27, your raising is done. He is an adult now.
Your job as a parent is to give him emotional support and accept whomever he chooses.
IMO, his problem, if he has one, is focusing on outer beauty instead of inner beauty.
"Beauty is truly only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone." |
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NW IL | You'll be suprised how well some can adapt. I married a city girl. Fast forward to the present, and now she tenders me seed, and runs the grain cart in the fall.
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West Central IL | My city girl wife can run the combine,load seed with the forklift and mows around poles and field edges with the compact tractor and 5ft bush hog. He's 27 and it's his life and his decision. |
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| I married a "city girl" 24 yrs. ago. Best thing I've ever done!!!!! |
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Camp Douglas Wi. 40miles nw of wi. dells | I ended up with a city girl 31 years ago, Shes pretty on the outside & prettyer on the inside. When we were dating my pastor told my FIL that I was a wild man & my pastor was right. But my FIL never told me what the pastor said ontill years later & we got a good laugh. |
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Western illinois | If he is just bringing her to meet you to see if you approve, then he has some
maturing to do. On the other hand, if it's because he really likes her and
wants her to meet you, then you should be happy for them. I hate to sound
abrasive, but at 27 he doesn't need your approval or opinion. I certainly
understand your wanting the best for him. Unfortunately for you, it's not
your decision. Give her a chance. |
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North West IA/western AZ | My city girl wife did just fine. You need to stay in the background and just be a gracious host. As long as he waits the 2 years to get to know them he'll be ok, but that can't even be your call. Trust in the way you raised him. |
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small town Iowa.... | If I were you, I'd just be glad he's bring a GIRL home. |
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| So it was you that married my dream girl!! Just kidding of course and my wife supported my farming habbit for years and now enjoys the rewards. Just not interested in tractor driving. Even though hours can be long I make sure I spend the extra down time at home. The guys who like to hang with there buddies when they aren't farming seem have the troubles. |
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Midwest | Little Joe - 2/21/2013 17:07
If I were you, I'd just be glad he's bring a GIRL home.[/QUOTE
In the closet as much as you like to discuss that issue. |
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| My wife was a urbanite... I even put her on the cultivator (corn) , hills and contour................first 20 minutes was her worst day. ( her words)...once she got the hang of it.......good to go............ |
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Hastings, Florida | You can't tell the heart what to do. give it a chance. |
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NE Indiana | It's not the young lady's background that matters, it's her character.
Is she self-sufficient enough to deal with being 'widowed' during the busy times? Assertive enough to speak up for what she needs? Hard-working enough to plant a crop and to harvest it?
You can have or learn these qualities anywhere, whether raised on a farm or in the city.
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the place your food comes from- IOWA |
Lil Joe, I have no idea why you would say that.
Its about what THAT person wants, not you.
AJ
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Highland Center, in Southeast Iowa | As others have indicated, your job in this situation is as a very interested observer. You have no say in the matter, even if you do have an opinion, you need to keep it to yourself. He's an adult, you've done all the raisin' you're going to do. All you can do at this point is be friendly, cordial, and supportive and pray that he and she are both happy no matter the outcome. Good luck to all concerned. |
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mid minnesota | What if the city girl wants to marry your son for his net worth then down the road divoric him and take half? Pre nup? |
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Hamptonville, n.c | I married a wonderful girl, her family farms and she has never drove a tractor in her life to my knowledge. So I really dont think it matters where she grew up as long as she has good character. |
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Anamoose, ND | I married a city girl. She went to school with hundreds of kids in her class, I had 12 classmates. No complaints from me. :)
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Midwest | gndfarms - 2/21/2013 19:18
What if the city girl wants to marry your son for his net worth then down the road divoric him and take half? Pre nup?
If that wasnt dads real concern, but thought Id lay low and see if someone thought that.
It is a REAL concern.
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Floyd County, Iowa | gndfarms - 2/21/2013 19:18
What if the city girl wants to marry your son for his net worth then down the road divoric him and take half? Pre nup?
Yup, you just can't trust them city folks (SARCASM*****).
Get real. If someone is worried about a pre-nup, there isn't much confidence that it's going to work, so save trouble. Who said she was a gold-digger, anyway?
We know less about the girl than the OP, and he doesn't appear to know anything about her either. Give her a break. |
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| My folks really liked my first wife. In fact when we got divorced I was renting a house from my parents and I was told to GET OUT so she could stay! I guess the parents liking the girlfriend doesn't make much difference in the end. |
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Western Australia | Relax and take it easy. I was 33 when I got married to a policeman's daughter. I had had quite a few girlfriends home before then, most from the city. Then I met this girl one boozy night in October, went round the world with her to see her sister in Bermuda in January, and got married in April. Still married to her 36 yeas later.
It is up to him to make his own decisions! |
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Western illinois | That's a ridiculous statement to make. That scenario is a possibility regardless
of where one grows up. Maybe the city girl's family owns several very lucrative
businesses and the farm boy has that plan. Oh, wait, that's impossible. All farm
kids are honest and sincere, right? |
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| Is that your wife in front of the tractor? I've always wondered, you lucky dog |
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Iowa | give her a chance. she might just out work all you guys and show you how things need to be done. |
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Dell Rapids, SD | All of you are such hardcore farmers you forget to ask one thing...how's she in bed? LOL!!!! |
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| Maybe HER dad would be like the one in the link in the "giving the bride away" post below. (Sorry,couldn't get link to copy & paste)
You can always hope. She seemed like an excellent catch. |
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NEMO | They all seem like an excellent catch at one time or another. It just takes some of em more catchins than others! |
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| The subject of a prenup makes me think of a funny (at least to me) story about a cousin of mine. He was engaged to his second wife, and with his parents owning three farms, his parents were concerned that she was a gold digger. So they convinced their son to bring up the subject of a prenup to her. She said that since he had brought it up that maybe they should do that.......turned out that her maternal grandpa owned a couple banks (in South Dakota) and she was the only grand child and her mother was an only child. Grandpa left her millions and millions of Dollars in Assets and my cousin prenupped himself right out of that. They have since divorced and he's still waiting for his millions from his parents......Life is funny sometimes......:) |
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| Maybe he was on your farm to long. |
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NEMO | If he was engaged to her and didnt know that much about her family, I can see why they divorced. |
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Midwest | How did you evening go? What did you think of her?
Please tell, been up all night, its killing us! |
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| when I read this thread last evening, I was hoping that JDJon would give an update on how the evening went. Care to share, Jon? |
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south Texas , York Rife Freemason | My wife cant take being alone either ,Was a city girl too .
She has spent many an hour sitting on a chair at the shop ,Helping me fix tractors ,And riding on the edge of the seat in the 5088 .
Its simple ,if you dont want to be alone ,come with me . Works for us . |
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| Yeah, besides, we can't provide informed advice yet...
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Midwest | Which sign are you holding?
I think I recognize Frytown, on the right?
Also, I'm thinking the 1st one might be, Little Joe ?
Was this in Mt Pleasant, Ia?
Edited by plierswearer 2/22/2013 12:34
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the place your food comes from- IOWA |
He still hasn't chimed in yet, something must have went horribly wrong like...
" Hey Missy, Pass me them there potatoes, by the way what ya think of prenups ? "
LOL
AJ |
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Midwest | Thats where tots come from. |
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| There wasn't much to know except that she came from a small family.....He knew that her grandpa had been a "banker", He didn't know that grandpa owned the bank(s)........I'm still laughing about it..... |
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| My wife of almost 10 years is a city gal through and through and we made it work. There are things about the farm she really likes and some not so much, but we have built a great life and perfect family on the farm - so it can work. Did I mention she's smokin' hot to boot?? |
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Little River, TX | Like one said it is all about character.
My wife is from a fishing family, shrimped for a living. So she was aware of being alone.
I came to appreciate this independence early on. We were not married long, when I had to go to California from North Carolina for B-52 training.
Later she got used to my being "gone" on alert for a week at a time.
She also early on got used to the idea that some times the Husband does not come home in one piece. Two staff cars in front of the house and some people in Dress Blues coming to visit.
Then she had 6 years and three months of deploying to Southeast Asia.
The big shock cam when we moved to this farm and took up where I left off 25 years earlier. She got to see me Every Day! She got to pick up hay and stack in the barn, using equipment. Took some doing but she got to baling hay, but she never did get the knack of raking. For the first 25 years of her life she never lived more than 50 miles from salt water. For the last 54 years she has never lived closer than 75 miles to salt water. Think Roswell, NM and Abilene, TX as the more distant.
Aside our youngest daughter married a Town "Boy" who was used to a different role model. They had been married a few weeks and moved into their house when she announced she wanted to visit her Sister in Fort Worth. New Husband announced he did not have the time to take there. She told him, not to worry got in her car and drove to FW. To his credit he soon got used to having an independent thinker in the house.
It's a great life.
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NNY | It was a last minute announcment by our son that he was bringing his new girl over and my wife was busy in town dealing with her apartment business so it was up to me to do diner!! Pressure was on for sure, Id rather plant corn for 24 hrs straight then cook a meal, can never remember what order to do things. How did it go you ask? It went very well, the young lady seemed very nice and we could tell they were both quit smitten with each other. Seeing our son happy was the best part of the whole evening. I know my wife really liked her cause she got out some baby pics to share with her. The best part was when we were discussing going to the farm show today in Syracuse. She wanted to go but couldnt cause of work and insisted that next time save room for her.
Thanks for the comments from everyone. Since i cant stand soap operas this will probably be my last post about my sons relationship.
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| I'm married to the farmer's daughter and she still expects me home at 5 year round. |
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| I'm glad to hear it went well. Let us know when the wedding date is set. :) LOL! |
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Meeting sons girlfriend!
